Posts tagged ‘funny’


Some haiku are just

Better than others. Not all

Days can be winners
I’m not wearing my

Maternity shorts, you are!

Comfy elastic.
Sell me a house! For

A price which I shall dictate

To you now, thank you.


Judge judy telling

You “put on your listening

Ears” is a bad sign.

Yall Are Petty: Collection Agencies

Everyday I navigate the planet, and am faced repeatedly with yall being petty. This column is to address yall’s petty bullshit. Call it calling out, or calling in, or maybe just calling bullshit. I’m calling yall petty, and this is why:

We all know collection agencies are petty. You owe some business $400 and so they call you three times a day for infitity to collect. Which can’t work out so great economically for them, but hey what do I know. 

One of the ridiculous aspects of their approach is that they often refuse to tell you who they are or where they are calling from. So petty.

 I picked one of these calls up the other day. The guy on the phone asked who I was. I asked who he was. I caved and told him my name. He refused to tell me his name or to what matter the call was regarding. He then asked me to confirm my address. I told him I was not going to give some stranger on the phone confirmation of my address. I asked again, what the call was regarding. He again refused to tell me. He then informed me that if I did not tell him my address he was going to have to make a “notation in my file that I refused to confirm my address”. I told that turd that I was making a notation in HIS file thay he refused to confirm who he was and was representing.

He did not have a response and I hung up the phone. He was being petty. To all yall telemarketer scum, I see yall being petty out there. But you do not control the boundaries of interaction. Your script may lead you to think so, but I am not tied to any script.

Why waste everyone’s time? I am either going to pay you if I do owe you, or I am not. There are plenty of scammers and liars who try to trick people into paying them, so any person is justified in being highly suspicious of you. Tell me who you are so I can hang up knowing.

To everyone working as a soldier of capitalism, I encourage you to humanize yourself in your interactions with others, and keep their humanity in mind as well. Everyone getting this calls, these are interactions we can take over. Change the limits of them. 

Keep a file. Report their behavior. Refuse to be demeaned or demoralized. Hang up the phone.

Ultimately my advice is to stop fucking calling me. Giant corporations are robbing the people 24/7, you’re CEOS should be satiated. Stop being turds.

If you’ve noticed people being petty, submit your complaint and maybe I will expound upon it. If you’re mad because I pointed out how petty you are, sounds like you are being extra petty. Either way,


Locker Room Horror Stories Haiku

Donald trump donald
Trump donald trump donald trump
Donald trump donald

The sway of a sac
In a warm breeze. Old man blow
dries his testicles


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