Capitalism Invades Relationship
A phenomena I have noticed, which may happen to other people aside from me, is that I find myself operating as an unwitting agent of the capitalist system. I’m against capitalism, I want to smash the state, and my politics in these areas are pretty firm. The anxiety that the capitalist system creates inside me, or that I allow it to create inside me, has the unfortunate effect of turning me into an enforcer. I see this play out most strongly in my relationship with David. When he is sick, or needs a day off of work, I kind of freak out. I worry about bills. A lot. My initial reaction when he is sick is to hope that he will still go to work. When he calls out of work to do chores around the farm or just have a day off, I struggle to not get really upset with him. It is so bogus. I care about him way more than I do about bills, I understand 1000% the need for mental health days from work, and that working 40+ hours a week is just a totally soul sucking enterprise. I don’t want him to suffer at a job he hates, to miss out on his hobbies and friends and family because of work.
But damn if the capitalism induced anxiety doesn’t still get me. Now that I have identified this issue I can talk to him about it, and also talk myself down internally when I start to get worked up.
I know we are just going to struggle financially for a while at least, and we still have it better than a lot of people. I just have to relax and not let capitalism destroy my life or relationship. I know starting a new family, dealing with divorce and custody, and moving and starting careers and pregnancy etc. are all just expensive and stressful. We are doing ok. We have good supportive families and friends.
I wonder if lots of people have capitalism as the other person in their relationships. I suspect this is pretty common.