Word Vomit for a Vomitty World

I feel like throwing up. I just finished a day of work, and get the news that a friend of mine died on Monday, and that the NYPD cop who strangled Eric Garner, a black man, to death on the streets of New York got off scot free.
What kind of a world do we live in.
Seriously, what kind of world is this?
Who lets this happen???
We do.
Every single damn day.

So times like these are incredibly overwhelming. I feel all the emotions inside of me welling up like a scream or sob is about to burst forth, but I can’t even process the feelings enough to go there. It feels like I’m vibrating with the things I am feeling. If this is coming out strangely, its because I am not so practiced at talking about my feelings, and I don’t even know if we have the words to describe the feelings of loss, sorrow, anger, hopelessness, etc. that strike me in times like these.

When the verdict came back on Darren Wilson, the cop who murdered Michael Brown, I didn’t have the energy for the emotions. I didn’t feel exactly numb, but I felt a little jaded, a bit like I expected that outcome and couldn’t see how things would change. I think I would have felt stronger if I’d been able to make any of the events in Richmond protesting the verdict. Surely the energy from the crowd would have leaked into me, inspiring me.
I kind of thought I was feeling burnt out. And maybe I am. I’ve got a lot of responsibilities on my own plate, and have been having to focus more on them than on activism than I have at different times in my life. It feels weird, and I don’t like feeling empty and jaded and out of touch.

For whatever reason, today the news of the cop who murdered Eric Garner hit me hard, and lit a fire inside of me. I’m glad to feel that feeling again, obviously sad that more fucked up shit happened to cause it, but relieved to have found my emotional response and my motivation. Somethings got to give, somethings got to give.

I feel like we are losing. We are losing good people to poverty, addiction, illness, depression and more every day. This world kills so many good and sometimes I feel like only the rotten capitalists and cops survive.
I feel like we are losing politically. There seem to be more people involved in activism and protests than there have been in a while. but we are continually bogged down in infighting and negativity. I see the same tactics, the same arguments, the same attitudes, and not much that I can mark as progress. And when movements gather steam, they so often seem to be co-opted by assimilationists or reformists.

It’s really easy to feel down these days.

The only thing I can think of to do to not feel down is to put in work every single day to take care of myself and take care of the people around me, and whenever we are in fighting shape, to take aim at the systems that oppress us.

We have to make our movements inclusive, we have to make our movements supportive. I know I personally have to balance the anger I often feel with my desire to be a positive force in the world. I think a lot of us activists are so angry and upset so often that it can be difficult to let go of those feelings when they end up hurting us and the people around us.

I’m tired of losing friends to addiction, depression, suicide etc. I’m heartbroken that this world is so terrible that some folks just can not stand it anymore, and I’m heartbroken that some folks feel like they are alone in the struggle.

If any one of you ever needs someone to talk to or a safe sober space or someone to be your nurse while you are sick or whatever, do not hesitate to hit me up. My door is always open, figuratively. Literally it is locked to keep those of you with poor judgement from stealing my shit. I will always listen to you. I will do what i can to help you. I will let you wallow and be nice to you for about a week. Then we will begin problem solving. This is an ugly and beautiful world. We all have to try harder to strike out the ugly and make this a better place.

Every time we lose someone, or lose a fight, we must rally, reflect on what has happened, give ourselves the time and space we need to heal, and plan our next move. For everyone we lose, we must fight that much harder. We carry our lost comrades in our hearts and strive to live a life they would be proud of. I think that most folks who die either by accident or suicide or murder by cop would want us enjoy the lives that we have while we fight for something better for everyone. Finding the balance between surviving trauma in our own lives, dealing with our sorrow, fighting hard against oppressive forces, and finding joy in our lives is a difficult task, but it is the task at hand. We can’t do it alone.

Rest In Power, Cayman Mooney and Eric Garner

(This has been an emotional outpouring, apologies for the rantyness)

November Haiku

Composting terlet
cuz fuck the city sewer
I’ll handle my own shit

Wanted to take a
nap. dogs sleep in yard in sun
they have the right idea

Have you climbed pancake
mountain? syrup and butter
await at the top

I always go for
the sauciest chips! Please sell
chip powder to me!

In Charlottesville for
the night. Chad! Ashley! I’m here!
lets drink Natty ice!

Monthly, use blood
chalice. Most metal menstruation
keepers of the cup

Tammie says I should
clean out my truck, but it was
just one little roach

I nerd out over
some windows – pulleys, weights and
sash bead, oh baby

camping down by the
river gets real fucking cold
with pee in the bed

Up on the roof top
Santa falls, hope he’s got real
good insurance yall!

hygeine choices like
what day should I take a bath
not today, no sir!

derby hats make me
think about swindling- would
you buy some snake oil?

a bored old man with
a backhoe is hell on the
landscape and old sheds

words mean less these days
actions mean more anyways
put up or shut up

internet news is
less important than dishes
idling in my sink

tired of critiques
of celebrity actions
they are meaning-less.

I choose terrorism
in an Orwellian world
double speak, don’t think

voting either dont
work or means using power
over others, yuck!

new hybrid car- safe
mom says- left it on, silent
it drove off, I ran!

chewing tobacco
is a nasty habit but
I’m a nasty man

have you ever heard
of a vinyl repair man?
NO I don’t think so

I dust my V H
S tapes. Its 2014
get on my level

house looks good. siding
covers rot beneath, just like
local politics

Recent Haiku

Here are some of my recent haiku!

shooting sasquatch with
my baby but damn if we
dont keep aiming high

found mint up and down
banks of the spring fed trout stream
freshening our steps

I’d rather write down
these haiku statuses than
input them online

cloud moving down the
mountain obscuring the orange
sugar maple leaves

quiet morning the
dogs run in the drizzle like
land sharks, tails poke up

enraged moo from up
on the hill my dogs just specks
troublemaking specks

flour on top of
flour, southern cooking yall
biscuits and gravy

I like to watch the
cows chewin on their cud like
me wif sum twizzlers

good friends share ammo
cause bullets and buddies sound
just right put together

cattle trailer shed
bringing country to city
organize yard tools

Zines for Sale!!!

You can find my most recently published zines, as well as older works, crafts, herbal items, and jewelry all for sale at my etsy page – karnage creations llc

So support my work and buy a dang thing! More zines and crafts coming soon, and a book a few years out!!

2 New Zines

I’ve got a new personal zine out as well as a new collaboration!! Check them out at the links on archive.org  below!Both zines debuted at the 8th annual Richmond Zine Fest!

Fragments of Karnage #365 – featuring poems, essays and articles, and more!

And Issue 1 of Calm Down, a call out for more effective tactics in radical/social justice/ anarchist movements.
Calm Down

Anarcho-Redneck Response to Recent Richmond Open Carry

realtree

I’m really on the cutting edge of Paint technology here…

Anarcho-Redneck Response to Recent Richmond Open Carry
by Mo Karnage

Richmond has been all in a tizzy over some recent exercising of the right to open carry guns. We’ve had some folks carrying guns in Target, and other carrying them in Carytown. Appearances of guns and those toting them at both locations seem to upset the delicate sensibilities of those who enjoy their capitalism from a more middle class seat. As my friend Dave says, the violence that happens at Target is all in the products on the shelves (sweatshop labor, animal cruelty, and environmental destruction for yall who ain’t picking up what I’m putting down). We’ve also seen local activist Chris Dorsey get hauled out of a City Council meeting over a dispute, which was blamed on his openly carried gun, and then the media gallery of the Council Chambers be closed out of a weird fear of gun wielding journalists- or something.

Maybe I don’t watch enough tv news to be shocked and upset by visible guns, or maybe its because I’m from Hanover county, but to me, guns aren’t an upsetting sight. This is the South. I haven’t been able to find a year on the start Virginia’s Open Carry policy, leading me to believe that we’ve had the same laws on the books around Open Carry for at least several decades now, and more likely since the origins of Virginia time. This is a gun state, but unfortunately not everyone here has sufficient knowledge or experience with guns and gun safety to be coming to the table ready for debate. So we have some culture clash going on.

Allow me to paint a picture. In a world where our government engages in endless war, supplies arms to oppressive regimes like Israel, engages in torture home and abroad routinely, and uses police and private security to patrol our domestic neighborhoods with an ever increasing amount of technology and weaponry, liberals are worried about the potential of violence coming from some deranged white guy who thinks he is in a shoot em up video game or whatever.
To me this is a sign of a society which had it’s autonomy erased, and has become dependent on larger bureaucracies, to its detriment. To me, this is a sign of a society which has had its understanding of the concept of violence thoroughly muddled, and has fallen prey to the idea that violence only occurs from the little guy- not the powers that be.

I also see this fear and confusion as a result of a culture that routinely chooses to treat only the symptoms of any problem, as opposed to addressing the root causes. I would argue that this method of addressing symptoms is promoted through capitalism for several reasons – mainly that it encourages greater consumerism, and prevents folks from questioning the very system of capitalism itself as a root cause of or contributing factor in many of our society’s problems.

Now why, some folks I know have been asking, would someone open carry a rifle? Well for one, because you sure as heck aren’t allowed to conceal carry it. Conceal Carry Permits in Virginia are only for handguns. You are not allowed to conceal long arm guns like rifles or shotguns (hence rules about barrel length etc.). For two, because not everyone wants to or can get a Conceal Carry Permit for any gun – they require being 21, money, a class, and usually takes about 6 weeks to get to you anyways. Not everyone wants to go through the trouble and paperwork to get a CCP and you know what, that is their right.

I’m sure there are more reasons to open carry a rifle, including it being your only gun, as well. There are plenty of practical times where one might open carry a gun, going to a friend’s house nearby, not wanting to leave it unattended in a vehicle, etc. The folks open carrying in Richmond lately are doing so in a fairly unnecessary way. No doubt. Some might call them jackasses. No doubt. But I think that as much as liberals are ignorant about open carry and brainwashed to be fearful, these folks are ignorant about liberals and their fear, and brainwashed by the gun lobby. Essentially we’ve got apple and oranges cultures coming to a head. The people open carrying are not doing so to make others scared, and indeed are surprised by the way people are scared. Their intentions might be poorly thought out, or lacking understanding of broader issues but they aren’t bad. Actually, both sides are often coming to the table full of fear- fear of guns and fear of gun rights being taken away. To discuss these issues coherently we need to get beyond the fear to analyze where everyone is truly coming from.

The anti-open carry camp seem to have an out of sight out of mind approach to guns. They aren’t actively upset until they can see them. And the assertively open carry camp seem to have an idea that if they don’t exercise their rights they might atrophy. Other gun owners have chimed in, worried that the attention being drawn to the issue might cause more harm than good, and they bring a valid point to the table. If liberals can’t see the violence- because it happens in wars in other countries over oil, or in sweatshops where their kids’ toys are made, or in forced prison labor where their office furniture is made or asparagus is grown (holler at yer local asparagus Ellwood Thompson’s), then it pretty much doesn’t exist. It is the flashy, in your face, reminders that seem to get folks all worked up. Continue reading